Giving Attention to One Twin—Is That Okay?

One of the most common struggles I hear from parents of twins is this:“Can I give attention to just one child? Is that even okay?”

If you’re raising twins, you’ve probably found yourself in situations where one twin needs a hug, a moment of comfort, or a few minutes alone with you—and you hesitate. Not because they don’t deserve it, but because… what about the other one?

We’re often told to treat twins equally. But here’s the thing—equal isn’t always fair. And fair doesn’t always mean "at the same time" or "in the exact same way."

The Power of One-on-One Moments

Giving one child attention doesn’t mean you’re neglecting the other. In fact, those small moments—like a quiet conversation, an extra hug, or running an errand with just one—can be incredibly powerful. They give each twin a sense of individuality, importance, and security.

Twins spend a lot of time together. They’re constantly being compared, grouped, and treated as a unit. But they are two different children, with different personalities, needs, and emotional rhythms. By giving them individual attention, you’re nurturing their independence and their confidence—two essential pieces in their development.

But What If the Other One Gets Upset?

That’s a real concern, and it’s absolutely valid. But instead of avoiding the situation altogether, try preparing your twins in advance:

• Let them know they’ll each have one-on-one time with you—even if it’s not at the same time.

• Reassure them that your love isn’t divided, it’s multiplied.

• Model the idea that sometimes we wait, and that’s okay.

You can even frame it positively:“Now it’s your brother’s turn to go with me. Next time it’s your turn—I’m really looking forward to it!”

You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong

As parents of twins, we often carry an internal pressure to give everything equally, all the time. But that urge usually comes from us—not from our children. Especially in the early years, twins don’t expect a perfect balance; they need to know that they are seen and cared for as individuals.

Giving attention to just one twin in a given moment doesn’t mean you’re being unfair—it means you’re responding to the unique needs of that child at that time. When we teach our twins that each of them will get their special moment with us when it’s needed, we help them feel secure, reduce their need to constantly compare themselves, and support their developing sense of individuality.

So yes, you can give attention to just one twin. Not only can you—it’s good for them. And for you.